spent a good conversation with a friend today... it was so encouraging, to remember that i can't do this, there is not a way in my being that i can become the woman that i want to... utterly, completely impossible. i have all these grandiose dreams and they're all talk, never any action. one thing this day and then the next its completely different...it leaves me fearful. it really does. If God is REALLY in control, then what does this all mean? well it means several things... that all my efforts are of no effect. at the same time, the biggest thing is God brings things in our path, and it's our choice how to react to them, i can look at circumstances and get down and respond negatively, or i can look at these circumstances and realize how much i've been given, and how much i've failed as well, it is quite a lot, believe it or not... to another friend i made a quick comment that it's always beautiful before the storm. . . she asked why i made that comment, and i kinda brushed it off to the side, perhaps because i didn't want to get into it at the moment, but i guess everytime my life feels at peace, is when something is about to happen. it's true... so very true... and i guess right now i'm in a relational nice-ness and it really leaves me feeling like a storm is brewing, it always seems to be that way. i guess at the moment, the biggest question is, will i let Him speak to the wind and the waves and calm the storm in me?
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