memorizing scripture.

today, i realized a bit of the power of memorizing scripture ... i have started spending time focusing on this discipline... well, i got myself into a place where i very well could have become angry, as i would at most times, but then suddenly, a scripture popped into my mind that i'm memorizing... "He bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  by his wounds you are healed."  1 peter 2:24 (this is from my memory, i'm sure its not perfect... you can check it out for real.) but regardless, the power of this verse, he took my sin upon himself that i might live to righteousness, and every time i deny that, i'm essentially slapping him in the face.  and the truth of the matter is that hurts.

alas.

alas, here i am, another day is nearly complete... sometimes i ask myself if i did make the best decisions this day.  today, i would for the most part say yes.  on the outside.  i interacted well, heard new stories and celebrated  yet, on the inside i still feel burdened, and just heavy...i know that a new season in my  life is upon me, and i also konw i don't want to let go of the old... just talking about babies and births today, it was a sly comment i made about being nearly 1 month late, a friend said, you sure were comfortable there, now weren't you!?  my response was simply that i can't imagine it any other way... why give up the nice and comfortable for the pile of traffic at least a half mile long...

living for self? living for others?

Last evening, we were discussing being prepared to die, this came from Genesis 27 where jacob is giving his blessing to his kids, he gave the blessing because he was old and knew his time to die was soon... we talked about "bucket lists" and the like.
i was totally exhausted as we chatted, but t really did a number on my heart... as i began to consider the ways i am living, as i considered and counted the relationships i've built that have been for ME, rather than for the other, LET ALONE for God. <shakes head in hands>
paul says "if i am to live in the flesh it means fruitful labor for me." (phil 1:22) while keeping in mind he had just reminded us that "to die is gain" (1:21)... this truth, if we are living, we are living for others, and not ourselves, our gain, our benefit, is found in death. Lord, help living be done in the right perspective.

at long last.

its been a while since i have updated this, i am here in switzerland at the moment.  and i am not sure what to write, what to share, its been amazing, the adventures, the times spent, i question my maturity at times and wonder what it looks like to get out of this rut.  i wonder why i äm so stuck and how i can do this.  i just want life to be the way it was created to be....