less like scars. more like character.

today i was given a new CD by a friend, she said after a few minutes of conversation that this song really speaks to where i'm at... and i cannot say with any more resounding yesses, that it really does... here's the first song...
Less Like Scars by Sara Groves
copyright 2004 Mantle Music and Northern Heart Media

It's been a hard year/But I'm climbing out of the rubble/ These lessons are hard/ Healing changes are subtle

But every day it's Less like tearing, more like building /Less like captive, more like willing/ Less like breakdown, more like surrender/ Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here/And you're picking up the pieces /Forever faithful/It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation /But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt/ Look less like scars and more like Character
Less like a prison, more like my room /It's less like a casket, more like a womb /Less like dying, more like transcending /Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here /And you're picking up the pieces /Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation /But you are able /And in your hands the pain and hurt/ Look less like scars

Just a little while ago /I couldn't feel the power or the hope/ I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing /Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come /And I need you /And I want you here /And I feel you And I know you're here /And you're picking up the pieces /Forever faithful

It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation /But you are able /And in your hands /the pain and hurt /Look less like scars (x3) /And more like Character

---

i heard this song for the first time this afternoon, it really spoke my heart. every last word. read the lyrics to... the words continue to bring a tear as i realize the truth of them, in my live this year of 2008. it's been a year. a hard one, but REALLY looking back, i wouldn't trade a single moment of the difficulty for the character it's built in me. PTL!

i've got a date with the rest of this CD... If you ever get a chance... give it a spin!

for rent...

The words haunt me, almost feeling like a white flag of surrender . . . its final . . .

I knew it was inevitable, and i knew the day was coming soon. yet, i'm not sure how it still stings. just a little bit you know? Maybe more than a little bit... Things are not the same, they never will be. I know it was a season, and a season that i must move on from at that... but somehow, this feels like a step backwards, like moving out is moving back. . . not that it is in reality, it might be taking a step back to reconsider, isn't this something that we do all the time? sometimes it takes a change in scenery to realize where we are. A change in scenery, a time to prepare for the next steps... whatever that may be. maybe it's the kick in the pants that i need. or maybe it's an utter disgrace to what lose i felt was a great thing... a community, a place to be hospitable, a relationship with neighbors, and a comfort. is that the dangerous word? comfort. if i'm comfortable, why would i want to move on. its a dangerous place to be. . . maybe the reasoning behind why i am where i am today, maybe why i lost it...

In a discussion about family this evening, and again what it means to honor your parents even when you might not completely agree with them, i left wondering what authority and submission look like, wondering what it means to work through issues, to really work through them, not just out of anger or frustration, but really to take a step back, "incarnate" with someone else and just have a transparent heart. and maybe i wonder if this is something i've ever really experienced in a day in and day out... it comes to the question of faithfulness and value. where my values are placed, and are they in a proper place... yes, authority and submission, i have a feeling this is something i'll be exploring a lot more closely these days...

one of my favorite photographers is also a thoughtful guy, this was on his blog...
"So as we get ready for the new year let's commit to letting go of the things we can't control and taking control of the things we can." -david jay.

Amen.

if the Lord wills

what would it look like to REALLY live with this attitude in mind, i mean from the deepest part of our hearts. Jesus did what He saw the Father doing, i wonder if we lived that way, how differently would or lives appear, on the outside... but maybe more importantly on the inside.
If the Lord wills... James 4:13-17

Boasting About Tomorrow

13 Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— 14 yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. 15 Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” 16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. 17 So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

now, I'm not a theological expert by any means, i don't know really how to understand much of scripture outside of letting it be revealed to me by the Spirit... and gleaning from life experience. whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin... it's those moments, i know i should spend the time pursuing God, but man, it sure sounds like a lot more fun to go wander through the mall, or have these long chats over tea... it sounds so good to just relax and take a nap when i've got a neighbor outside who's hurting. i'd love to do serve in this capacity, but just not today.

God has called me to reconciliation but... there is no excuse. NOW! NOW!!! NOW!!!!! there is no moment like the present.... i sit and ponder if i find

there is no place to find this grace once you over look it.

“do the right thing without expecting the right results”

“do the right thing without expecting the right results”
i was reading the shack... well actually, just finished today, one good thing i took from it, in our relationships, we can expect things, or have an expectancy that things will happen. Oh the beauty of an expectancy rather than setting expectations on the relationships that we have and taking that to a deeper and more personal level, having expectations on God. You know i was taught to expect God to fill-in-the-blank. And I guess I’m seeing, that yes we have to have faith that God can fill-in-the-blank, BUT whether or not he ACTUALLY does it, is his sovereignty.

step one.

towards resolutions for 2009.
the e-mail & text message has been sent. now it's in His hands...
i pray it is received with grace and that Father's open arms would open mine wide.
yes, step one in reconciliation, is simply connecting with that person you've offended.
next comes the hard part, the humbling part. but necessary. it's time to discover which relationships will hold water.

a sad portrait of today's society.

now i know that many will look upon our society and continue to claim that we are a "christian nation, founded on moral principles" and while i see this to a degree, we don't really condone terrorism, we appreciate equality and for the most part, value human life.


However, this photo that i took last year, speaks to me what i have seen in the past so many years. people giving up on their faith. which must not have really been faith at all. this photo says "for sale, $25 OBO" it's like we say, well this faith thing, this Christianity thing, when it was new and plastic was totally great, i paid a great cost for it, but here you go, i'm sick of it, i'll take what you're willing to give for a disheveled faith.

This Christmas, it's my hope that i don't let go. that you don't let go. last night, a good deal of the sharing was about traditions, and the importance of maintining tradition for tradition sake. while this isn't really something that i can link arms with, it is something that i'll take to heed. for example, what if this scene belonged to a grandmother who passed away, and the grandkids kept it because it reminded them of her, but it really meant nothing to them... ladies and gentlemen, our faith HAS to be our own. tradition, has value but mainting important things for traditions sake is meaningless.

Today, this year, next year, may you, may I take out that rusty nativity that looks like it's worth next to nothing, and take a close look at it. shine it up, MAKE IT YOUR OWN... leave Christ as the center. don't give up on it. its not worth $25.... it's worth your life...it's invaluble... your heart your soul... everything that you are.

Bless God this Christmas morning.

another random person...

went over to a family's house to drop off a christmas card, and i ran into another random person from the past, this time it was completely different. it was just like i could be me again, that some life experiences have changed and matured both of us, and our relationship in the past wasn't one of those "forced ones"... i think i've finally figured out which relationships were REAL and which were based off of a wrong motive or off of convenience. and i'm not sure that i'm going to fully restore all of them, but really i do have a lot of setting right to say the least... As much as is possible with you, be at peace with all. this is the cry of my heart, i know how it hurts to be abandoned, and i suppose, i'm continuing to realize that by "default" or association, i've essentially abandoned others... the sin of others does not justify sin within self. why leave people guilty by association. it's just not worth it. i'm going to start taking steps to right that wrong.

i think this too will continue to help me focus on what is important in the relationships that i've been continuing to build. seasons are a fascinating thing... we have so much to learn, every time it's different; yet at the same time, it's always the same...
love God. love others.