stagnant & afraid

i fear perhaps i've become stagnant it seems that the whole world is changing around me, and yet i'm here just exactly as i was just a few months ago...   well maybe not exactly... but maybe the difference is i feel the bad fruit out-weighing the good fruit at the moment... whatever happened to abiding?  there are great & prescious promises running through my mind but they're not constant enough to overcome the normalcy.   sometimes i just want to "live in a picture" it's easy when you remember the times arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder, and the laughter, the simple laughter.  now i fear that i've lost that, and it breaks my heart.  have i hardened myself?  what is going on?  i'm not sure
sometimes i feel more full of questions than answers... i miss having people to ask the questions... i miss having dreams, and i feel stuck... paralyzed by fear once again... there is nothing new under the sun... but the promise i hear is that its underneath the shadow that we are renewed...
i'm ready for the breaking point... for the change... it's gotta come...