memorizing scripture.

today, i realized a bit of the power of memorizing scripture ... i have started spending time focusing on this discipline... well, i got myself into a place where i very well could have become angry, as i would at most times, but then suddenly, a scripture popped into my mind that i'm memorizing... "He bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness.  by his wounds you are healed."  1 peter 2:24 (this is from my memory, i'm sure its not perfect... you can check it out for real.) but regardless, the power of this verse, he took my sin upon himself that i might live to righteousness, and every time i deny that, i'm essentially slapping him in the face.  and the truth of the matter is that hurts.

alas.

alas, here i am, another day is nearly complete... sometimes i ask myself if i did make the best decisions this day.  today, i would for the most part say yes.  on the outside.  i interacted well, heard new stories and celebrated  yet, on the inside i still feel burdened, and just heavy...i know that a new season in my  life is upon me, and i also konw i don't want to let go of the old... just talking about babies and births today, it was a sly comment i made about being nearly 1 month late, a friend said, you sure were comfortable there, now weren't you!?  my response was simply that i can't imagine it any other way... why give up the nice and comfortable for the pile of traffic at least a half mile long...

living for self? living for others?

Last evening, we were discussing being prepared to die, this came from Genesis 27 where jacob is giving his blessing to his kids, he gave the blessing because he was old and knew his time to die was soon... we talked about "bucket lists" and the like.
i was totally exhausted as we chatted, but t really did a number on my heart... as i began to consider the ways i am living, as i considered and counted the relationships i've built that have been for ME, rather than for the other, LET ALONE for God. <shakes head in hands>
paul says "if i am to live in the flesh it means fruitful labor for me." (phil 1:22) while keeping in mind he had just reminded us that "to die is gain" (1:21)... this truth, if we are living, we are living for others, and not ourselves, our gain, our benefit, is found in death. Lord, help living be done in the right perspective.

at long last.

its been a while since i have updated this, i am here in switzerland at the moment.  and i am not sure what to write, what to share, its been amazing, the adventures, the times spent, i question my maturity at times and wonder what it looks like to get out of this rut.  i wonder why i äm so stuck and how i can do this.  i just want life to be the way it was created to be....

striving to live this out...

Things have been, well changing lately, and i suppose the biggest place where things are changing are in my heart... that's a good thing.
trying to slow down, do things like obey the speed limit, and notice the effect it has on my so constant "hurried" attitude, my schedule is not more important than the law...

anyways, another big thing i'm working at being conscious of is hospitality and genuine love for all... like a pharisee, i find it very easy to love those that i KNOW love me...but to reach out to one that i perceive doesn't like me, or one that i don't know at all, this is a little more difficult.
"Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace." 1 Peter 4:8-9

life lesson from photography

so today i was studying a little bit about a good work flow for a photographer, and i was reading about the initial deletion stage, and something really perked my eyes... the suggestion was not to delete the bad photos but rather to mark the good photos, the ones that make you step back and say "wow".  And as you do that, you will inevitably delete the bad ones after the fact.  And you can do it all at once... talk about separating the wheat from the tares!

how true that is in our lives as well.  we have a choice, we can look out for the negative and rid ourselves of it, or we can look for the good and relish in it.  I know i'm pretty bad at this, but in reality we're given the grace to do such a big and impossible thing. 

Lord, open my eyes to see the good...

one hand on the gas, one hand on the brake.

this is the place i feel that i am living, today  i watched a friend semi-lose control on a scooter because of this very situation.  i now, sit here and simply shake my head, and chuckle, because i feel my life spinning in that control-less-ness.  its wanting to move on, but still holding onto that 'one last thing'... looking for a soft place to land because you know you're out of control and not quite sure how to ask for help.  ya, really i felt it on the inside as i watched it on the outside.  that's all i'm going to say here.