giving...

what does it mean to give beyond our ability?

see 2 cor 8:3

"money never stays with me.  it would burn me if it did.  i throw it out of my hands as soon as possible, lest it find its way into my heart." - John Wesley
oh boy.  here we go again... He asks for EVERYTHING.

the voice of God in strange places...

So today, I had spent quite a bit of time stressing about an envelope... you got it, a single envelope.  Inside it had a semi-significant amount of cash as well as some keys to my parent's vacation home.  I started searching realizing that if i were to find what i'm really looking for, it was gonna take some work... emptying out my car... going through the entire house... retracing my steps over the past couple days... and hoping that the envelope hadn't fallen out of the car in a place where i wouldn't be able to find it. 

After about 1 hour, I actually had a cleaned out car, but didn't see what i was looking for.  I had gotten so frustrated i began to pray (i know, this, should have been an earlier decision) while praying, the parable of the lost coin came to mind... "am i really seeking God with the same relentlessness as someone seeks a lost treasure?"  My head hung in shame.  as i realized i spent 60 minutes wholeheartedly pursuing an envelope and maybe 10 focused minutes pursuing Him today...
I still continued my search, driving to different places i had parked throughout the week, and began calling, "have you seen this envelope"?  "do you know what i did with it"? as i spoke with someone who remembered me having it a couple days ago, i began to have a little more peace that it was SOMEWHERE, as she was reflecting on where she last saw it, my phone died. 

I arrived to work, knowing the only possible place i could look was somewhere very familiar to me... my jacket pocket.  "but why would it be in there?!" as i walked to my desk to check my jacket, there was an advertisement on my keyboard for geico.  pictured on it was a little wad of cash with eyes staring right at me... the tag line... "It's right here.  It's easy." I found the source of the ad, and asked if it was a joke, or a clue, the truth is, she was clueless that i was even looking for money.  i stuck my hand in the pocket of my jacket which lay a foot away from the advertisement, and there it was...the very thing i spent time searching out...

the moral of the story?!?!

to pursue whole heatedly the kingdom of God, we will end up cleaning things out... the places where we spend our everyday.  sure, the obscure places need to be cleaned, but the place to start is where we reside.  Remember, "He's right here.  It's easy."  so many times we go running here and there... "oh i saw God there once" or, "Everybody says He's over there" again, He's in the place we spend our everyday.  the reason i didn't check my jacket was because i was so familiar with it as i  told someone, " i would know if it was in there... i would have felt it yesterday." Isn't it true... we need our eyes opened every day to see Him at work, we get so familiar with His blessing & grace that we forget where we came from... we forget that there is need to walk in a higher way...and that what we deserve, well... thats round about nothing good.

whilrwind.

wow, there has been quite a bit on my mind and my heart for the past little bit. . . this morning as i awoke, i looked outside and to my surprise (and everyone else's i'm sure!) there was snow...  it was EXACTLY what i needed to see... 

Over the past week or so, i have once again been reminded that i have a major sin issue... EPIC FAIL (defined!) and in the moments where i think about my sin, i totally feel helpless, drowned out and worthless... i began to wonder if God was punishing me with a sickness so i couldn't share the things i have been given with others.  i began to simply distance myself from Him for fear...well and pure tiredness.  yesterday however, i stopped by a friend's house as a surprise visit, we ended up talking for hours... it was as if a giant burden had lifted off my shoulder as we shared our hearts and spiritual journeys with one another.  (regrettably its been a long time since a conversation like that has occurred...as a two way) where had James 5:16 gone from my life?  the power of confession... the release, the acknowledgement of struggle, and the reminder that Christ calls us to PERFECTION... (also see 2 peter 1 -YOURS INCREASING, FRUIT!!!)   anyway... its been rough...and at the same time God has been knocking all along... 

fast forward to this morning, and the snow. . . Isaiah 1:18"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."

that dear friends, is a beautiful promise...

"prepare ye the way"

Last night, i was driving... a lot on my mind...
<again> a song came on my ipod, and ended up playing a couple times in a row... (by itself)
the words, "Prepare ye the way of the Lord, Prepare ye the way for the kingdom"
nearly instantly, my mindset changed for the moment, my wandering mind lost track of wherever it was going... i think it was business and money thoughts... and suddenly, it was turned to kingdom thinking... amazing isn't it?  no longer, "how can I MAKE this or that work" but suddenly it was "God, is this possible... to do this for you?" then the examination of my heart... the excitement for things to come, and letting go of things that hold me, namely friendships that i've often been selfish with... realizing the fulfillment of a relationship that may not "benefit" me...but is focused on the other person... that whole "motivation" thing, yep, totally convicted about THAT yesterday... "where's the heart? isn't this REALLY where it starts...?" you know, "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"  could it be, that when we CHOOSE to place our value on the things of the Kingdom, that then our hearts follow.  it's not an emotional choice... this i must remind myself of over and over again... a disciple... marked by obedience... given to follow... ignoring all else save the call and duty of God... so that's it... prepare the way... forget how to make all the plans and things of earth fall into place... my friends (and myself) invest in eternity...
with grace.

bebo... way to go...

somehow bebo norman songs have a way of speaking my heart...nearly every time...

check it out...
The song is called Drifting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tiM2JN4VazI'

this time, its not that i feel that I'm not in the "valley place" but in the overcoming place.

Some say home is where the heart is
And my heart is in your hands
You are all I need

Rising from the ashes
Lifted from the madness
Now you see my heart is
Deep enough to dream
Heal me from the deathblow
Lead and I will follow
Now you feel my heart glow
Mending at the seams

Fire...

So, today I started a fire, we started out with news paper and twigs... feeling that this would fuel it... for some odd reason the twigs (which had been dry for ages) were not catching and the fire quickly died from the paper's quick lighting, but quick death. I had one "fire starter" stick left, i'd say it was about the size of a wooden spoon handle... but the starter got the twigs started and from there we could put dry logs. and then i ran into another dilemma. all the other wood was outside IN THE SNOW... aka: soaking wet and frozen... i brought it into the house, and guess what? it caught fire. WET wood catching fire... my mind raced as i remembered the problem i had with dry twigs a mere hour before... the little dry twigs had not caught, but these big wet logs now have?

isn't it amazing? isn't THAT what community does? whether we are little twigs, or big logs, or even big WET logs, when we are in community with those with a blazing passion, its hard for us NOT to join in! now, as the evening has died down and there's not much need for the fire any longer, i'm left here to think, who am i in the fire beside, and who do i stand as a fire with. its all important, outside we can do nothing, as one force, we can change everything...

home.

what's home anyway?  i sure feel like i don't have one right now... like i've lost "it" whatever "it" was anyway