you know what that means?
5 nights and 5 beds 5 families. there was a season a while back where i remember this exact scenario, and i am back in the same place... the people are different now than they were before, but the attitude is the same... i wonder how it is... this gift of community. its such a blessing really... or is it a curse.
It is after this christmas that i've resolved not to have too many sentimental attachments... the drama that can be created when something that is of little value to all of the world except you is lost... the threat of being destroyed. What are the things in my life, in your life that are wasting away... and why is it that we look at them as the most important...
every once in a grand while it's worth it to stop and think.
something that i've lost touch of, as of late.
Life becomes so busied with the cares worries and joys that i forget how to really live.
i forget what it is to lay everything aside and listen to somebody. the spontaneity to forget about what i think is important and to remember what really is.
to really feel pain, and not let the world choke it away, and when i do feel it to honestly with all my gut, admit, "that hurts" even when it's just your stomach.
to realize the many many blessings i have and not ignore them either...
reflecting on contentment and realizing that there really are content people in the world, and strange as it may seem, i've become convinced the most content people are the poorest people.
isn't this what Jesus said... how much easier it is to serve what really matters when you are not a slave to work or money...
there are way too many things spinning in my head, and soon enough maybe some will be straightened out, but then again, i come back and ask myself... what is faith? if i'm living a life to honor God completely and my mind is really renewed, then shouldn't i be living in a way that is RADICALLY different and not just really different?
hmmm...
Something in this song really hits home... not quite positive why, but i'll let you know if i figure it out... anyways, its by philip larue.
"running so long"
She takes off her halo and throw's it on the floor
Puts her lipstick on and walks out the door and
Looks and the sky and cries "God when you gonna rain on me"?
Yea cuz we all got stories here in this place
But we hide them well with the smiles on our face
But, if you listen closely there's an aching
In everyone's heart
And I have been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
I've been running so long
I forgot I was running to you, to you
We'll if time had a face and I guessed his age
Would he let me rewind,
would he let me change
This last year and all those mistakes
But I still love the way you hold me in the night
I love the way you whisper "everything's gonna be all right"
And I am sorry that lately I've lost some faith
In myself and everyone else
But I have been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
I've been running so long
I forgot I was running to you,
Wait and in time
We'll see the light breaking through
Can you feel it too?
I need you too
I've been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
And I fall like a cannon ball
And hope that you hear me call
I'm falling back it's true
I've been running so long, I forgot
I've been running so long, I forgot
I've been running so long, I forgot
I forgot I was running to you
Over the past month or so i've been OVERWHELMED. I can't quite describe what has happened or what has changed, but like a sudden rush, i've learned and known the love of God. for ME. ME? SERIOUSLY?
I don't quite know that i've ever REALIZED the personalized nature of His love for me. The moments of thanksgiving that come to mind are stirred by things that would not necessarily matter to you, but to me, they have meant the world. its amazing to see this intimate touch. and to recognize it as such...
On a completely different note, do we really and i mean REALLY KNOW what brokenness is??? while i suppose we do to a degree. do we know what it is to have everything ripped out from under us, in reality... not in mind or in heart... but we have so much than God that we are consistently able to trust in, its easy to run to family. to friends. to community. but do we run to the cross. do we prepare to be persecuted? do we believe that being a living sacrifice is really an important way to be living? and if we REALLY believe that, do our lives exhibit that... OR, are we simply a living offering. i can offer all that i want, but if its not enabling me to NEED God more, is it really a sacrifice? To me, a sacrifice is something that it kinda hurts to live without...
just a thought.
