musings

every once in a grand while it's worth it to stop and think.
something that i've lost touch of, as of late.
Life becomes so busied with the cares worries and joys that i forget how to really live. 
i forget what it is to lay everything aside and listen to somebody.  the spontaneity to forget about what i think is important and to remember what really is.
to really feel pain, and not let the world choke it away, and when i do feel it to honestly with all my gut, admit, "that hurts"  even when it's just your stomach.
to realize the many many blessings i have and not ignore them either...
reflecting on contentment and realizing that there really are content people in the world, and strange as it may seem, i've become convinced the most content people are the poorest people.
isn't this what Jesus said... how much easier it is to serve what really matters when you are not a slave to work or money...
there are way too many things spinning in my head, and soon enough maybe some will be straightened out, but then again, i come back and ask myself... what is faith?  if i'm living a life to honor God completely and my mind is really renewed, then shouldn't i be living in a way that is RADICALLY different and not just really different?
hmmm...

running so long...

Something in this song really hits home... not quite positive why, but i'll let you know if i figure it out... anyways, its by philip larue.

"running so long"

She takes off her halo and throw's it on the floor
Puts her lipstick on and walks out the door and
Looks and the sky and cries "God when you gonna rain on me"?

Yea cuz we all got stories here in this place
But we hide them well with the smiles on our face
But, if you listen closely there's an aching
In everyone's heart

And I have been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
I've been running so long
I forgot I was running to you, to you

We'll if time had a face and I guessed his age
Would he let me rewind,
would he let me change
This last year and all those mistakes
But I still love the way you hold me in the night
I love the way you whisper "everything's gonna be all right"
And I am sorry that lately I've lost some faith
In myself and everyone else

But I have been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
I've been running so long
I forgot I was running to you,

Wait and in time
We'll see the light breaking through
Can you feel it too?
I need you too

I've been running so long
I forgot what I was running for
And you've been crying so long
You forgot what you were crying for
And I fall like a cannon ball
And hope that you hear me call
I'm falling back it's true
I've been running so long, I forgot
I've been running so long, I forgot
I've been running so long, I forgot
I forgot I was running to you

the love of God.

Over the past month or so i've been OVERWHELMED. I can't quite describe what has happened or what has changed, but like a sudden rush, i've learned and known the love of God.  for ME.   ME? SERIOUSLY? 
I don't quite know that i've ever REALIZED the personalized nature of His love for me.  The moments of thanksgiving that come to mind are stirred by things that would not necessarily matter to you, but to me, they have meant the world.  its amazing to see this intimate touch.  and to recognize it as such...

On a completely different note, do we really and i mean REALLY KNOW what brokenness is???  while i suppose we do to a degree. do we know what it is to have everything ripped out from under us, in reality... not in mind or in heart... but we have so much than God that we are consistently able to trust in, its easy to run to family.  to friends.  to community.  but do we run to the cross.  do we prepare to be persecuted?  do we believe that being a living sacrifice is really an important way to be living?  and if we REALLY believe that, do our lives exhibit that... OR, are we simply a living offering.  i can offer all that i want, but if its not enabling me to NEED God more, is it really a sacrifice?  To me, a sacrifice is something that it kinda hurts to live without...

just a thought.

the sunrise of the soul.

not being a morning person, it is a rare occurrence to see the sun rise... over the past 2 weeks i have seen it rise over the ocean on two separate occasions, in two different situations.  The peace and tranquility of watching sometime mysterious all alone.  Contrasted with the wonder of seeing an every day miracle amongst community.  While i cherish my morning watching the sky be painted by fiery illumination ... there is something sweet found in the presence of others experiencing the same beauty... the same conversion... the same newness.  The peace found in the hours before the world wakes up.  

There is great trust found in stillness... wether alone or with cherished friends.  Isn't it true, that when we hit the pause button in our lives, we are able to really see... Today, i choose to see where God is at work... in so many more places than i have realized.  and moving forward i am ready for the sun to rise in my soul and REALLY BRING THIS NEW DAY....

PTL.

The problem...

"The problem is that we know the end of the story so we don't get amazed in the middle of it ... "

It's a Choice

This verse hit me squarely for the first time today...
"Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever— therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken." (gen 3:22-23)

I never recognized this progression... 

Genesis 2:9
"And out of the ground the Lord God made to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."

Genesis 2:16-17

"And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."

Genesis 3:22-24
"Then the Lord God said, "Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever— therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.  He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life."

It's a choice . . . Adam & Eve were told they could eat from the trees.  BEFORE THE FALL THEY WERE FREE TO EAT OF THE TREE OF LIFE BUT THEY CHOSE NOT TO.  This never hit me so hard as today.  

Deuteronomy 30 brings the choice back to mind...  choose life and good ... or ... choose death and evil. 

Obey or Disobey.  Simple as that.

Today, we are presented with the same choice.

I wonder how often I pick from the tree of knowledge rather than the tree of life. 
From myself, or the world and humanity thank from Jesus Christ Himself...

Revelation 2, the church of Ephesus.  The church that tested false teachers, and hated the things that God hates, and yet lost their first love... The church i so easily resonate with.  The reward for overcoming... to eat of the tree of life...

Revelation 22... ooh for a glimpse of that...

I hope this draws you right to the feet of Jesus like it has for me...

giving...

what does it mean to give beyond our ability?

see 2 cor 8:3

"money never stays with me.  it would burn me if it did.  i throw it out of my hands as soon as possible, lest it find its way into my heart." - John Wesley
oh boy.  here we go again... He asks for EVERYTHING.